Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Slow down to grow

Eckhart Tolle talks about using traffic jams and line up as a pause to stay present in an uncomfortable situation. I take it further. I use my anger as a cue to slow down and find the work.

As I am leaving the house without a goodbye, pissed off at my partner, I can't help but think: is he really the one who is an as*hole? Or did he just yet again didn't fit into the box I created for him as to how he is supposed to be and act?

Subtle feeling arises that it's not what he did, but my own fear of not being loved enough that created the incident. I stop and listen to that.

As I am clenching my jaws trying to get Yuri to get dressed faster in the morning, I realize that I'm about to make it a "fun morning" for everyone. I slow down. Maybe he needs to settle into the day with a few pauses. Maybe it's a good thing. Again, it's the fear that if we won't be on time, won't be organized and on schedule, it will mean that I'm not good enough of a mother. Now, I ask myself, how is that his problem?

Do I really want to bring my fears into action?

I notice that physical fatigue is closely related to emotional. I react faster. But if I take it as a cue to slow down, fatigue and anger will become my triggers for introspect and growth.

 Anger is always a secondary emotion. It also comes with physical pain. Sometimes it's difficult to pinpoint or say what came first. But maybe it's not so important. There are Shiatsu specialists who believe that going through the physical pain takes you to the source that created the emotion that caused the pain. For me it worked backwards: as soon as I can pinpoint and release the mental source, the physical pain moves on too.

Look for the boundaries of the fear and you will find what to let go off.

Pain that lingers for a long time usually has a dry edge, like a scab that covers the healed wound. The boundaries of it will tell you what to pull. The thing is, it still takes courage to pull the scab.