Street smart

The benefit of being the older sibling is that you get to develop smart ways of communication with uneasy people (younger sister) at a very early and very intuitive age. So, the first thing Yuri picks up as he gets up from his bed is an extra toy for Alissa - "because she will start crying for mine".
The act of self protection gradually becomes an act of care. You can no longer distinguish what is guiding him when he asks for an extra bagel and cream cheese, an extra sticker with a princess or picks out a nice looking stuffed animal from the basement storage even after she is already asleep.
It seems he thinks of her at all times. It's a habit that will hopefully become a second nature.
Witnessing such care leaves me mesmerized and, of course, makes me appreciate my older brother more.

Drama, drama, drama...

Third day in a row Alissa is putting me out of balance with the morning roller coaster of drama. For no reason and within a split second she starts a scandal as if she just received an insult of her lifetime. At first I bought into that and thought that something might actually be wrong, but it worked as a gasoline on a fire. So, I decided to withdraw any attention as soon as she starts. The result was interesting. She kept going for another couple of minutes and then stopped just as abruptly as she started.

Mind games of the toddlers are surely interesting study case :)

In sickness and in health

Both kids are sick. Another restless night. By morning Alissa fell asleep on the floor after few hours of nursing/eating/playing. Yuri had to go to the washroom 3 times and couldn't fall asleep after each trip. 

Every time they get sick it affects you and teaches you. They need mommy, they become soft and clingy.

You are there to support,  stay up the nights,  feed, keep warm,  and learn what other part of yourself you can give. There is no strive to be payed back,  no hope to be appreciated as the recipients are too small and are your ultimate responsibility.

And then in the end of it you get "mommy,  I love all of you very much"....

Early generosity

Seeing the kids learning early to care about each other is amazing. They naturally start thinking about the other when they get something for themselves.

Yuri picks two cars in the store and gives the faster one to Alissa. She asks for a second bagel when she gets hers and asks to put cream cheese on it,  because Yuri likes it with cream cheese.
Not only do they care to share,  they try to give what the other wants,  not what is convenient to give.

Seeing that care in people gives me warmth. Seeing that in my own children brings beauty in my life.

They won't always be mine

There is a period of absolute ecstasy of knowing that the little people that make me alive need me for their existence. In this period I also clearly realize that they will grow out of it and it will be over. Love for the mother is big, but it's not the most important love in our lives simply because when the influence begins we are not capable of comprehension of it's nature yet and what was given to us. Motherhood

, however, is. It defines who we are more than anything. It promotes growth. It overrides any other influence. It teaches you the root of  your own existence, truth about yourself and about who they are. And every little bit you give returns 1000 times over, immediately and every time.
The fact that I am irreplaceable to them right now is breathtaking. I know it won't always be so and I'm grateful I have this moment still. I am greedy for time with them and try to suck every second I spend with them into my memory. This is the purpose of this blog. To remember. 

Feeding addictions?

It seems the kids go though these stages of addictions: Yuri with trains, Alissa with pandas. I'm not sure how much is too much. I let them enjoy and feed their interest (what else do we have in life:) ), but when it gets to getting hysterical about having to head out when there is a panda cartoon is on I get uneasy feeling. Yes, I had to use a method of distraction to save my ear drums, but I don't feel very compassionate to my child that goes bezerk within a split second when you take away her object of obsession. She begins to realize that screaming is not going to work, but it rarely helps when a coveted object is in question.

So, I find myself in a search of a golden middle of where to allow and where to limit the attachment to an object of obsession. I realize the limitation of contact will not remove the obsession, but it may limit the unneeded outbursts of emotions, hence saving a little bit of nerves for her and me.

All the directions of development

As humans we have quite a few sides to work on in order to succeed in life. For a child, everything needs to grow: emotional health, mental development, physical coordination and agility to list just the major ones.

I personally never know what ball to catch first. Physical activity leads to emotional health, which in turn leads to better mental development, so it seems logical to keep them active most of the time. Yet I feel they need their breaks.

Too much walks, parks, runs and soccer and they get agitated, cranky and want me to hold them. That's when I know I've overdone it.
Home activities tend to be more soothing and mentally challenging, but it makes them want to speed up a little.

Just like with adults, you strive for a balance between running around, growing in all directions and finding a peace within, and there seems to always be too much in each plate to eat at once. And the time you break it into doesn't seem to be equivalent either: 15 min in the morning is longer than an hour in the evening.

At the end of the day, if I am not sure that my own scale is balanced, how do I know if I balanced theirs?