Wednesday, 30 July 2014

I gave birth to my heart. Twice.

He was my first. The little wrinkly strange and most beautiful human being I've ever seen. He took me out of myself and made me realize there is a world outside of me. And it's incomprehensibly beautiful, soft, and velvet to the touch. The colors changed. So did my body. In the ways that are hard to describe and seem to be endless. He was the game changer.

And then came she. She came out of me flying against the
forces of the gravity and landed in my heart. She made me realize the world inside me. Infinite, weird, unfamiliar and so beautiful. My body changed again, and so did my soul. And once again, in the ways that are impossible to describe and sometimes even acknowledge, and that seem to perpetuate into me still.

And now I have two mirrors running around the house, screaming at unbearable decibels. And it's my turn to show them the world.

School bus

My daughter's peak of the day may very well be seeing a school bus on the way to daycare. I wonder what it would be like to get surprised by everything I see. Wouldn't that make me energetic and happy? Every morning I am half alive until I get to work and make a halt on all activities to have a coffee. That is my reset button. The night may not have been very restful, the morning might have been hectic... But I am here now, alive, aware and present. The interesting part is, that which gives me tranquility in the morning makes me wired up later. I've been having reactions to coffee. Sad, but I have to give up the quantities in order to stay healthy.

I'm curious, when they grow up, will they be influenced by the way I control my nutrition? I would like them to know how to respect their own bodies. I would like them to learn how to distinguish what they think they want and be able to stop and really feel what they actually want. That's the difference between a gummy bear and food that nourishes and gives energy to play.

In the morning I make a stop to hug them. Even when we are all in the rush, I think to myself, what else do I live for? What if I miss this? Is getting to work on time more important then holding my kids and embracing them? They each take one of my knees and we do a triple hug. And then Alissa starts to fight for both knees and Yuri gets upset :) But that's expected.