Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Meditation of the imperfect

How do I find the strength to end my own agony
of wishing for more of perfect? Where do I seek the wisdom? 
How do I break my own cycle,  that I enjoy so masochistically.
There is a sweet pleasure in this self torture of setting
expectations so high - I want it all now. 

How do I start seeing the romance of losing the war of ego
and start enjoying the grapes that I forgot to get at Longos and the spills
of food and the cranky baby that won't be content for more than 2.5 min in a row
and the dog trying to get children's food and the last fork in the sink after I've
cleaned up 5 or some insane number of times and the back pain that strikes
just when the kids are down and I have time to do stuff. ... and oh too
many imperfections of life that make every day seem like a constant
barrage of tiny problems that make me feel like in order to
survive I have to jump through hoop and over a barrier
and then again all day long.
How do I make myself find a beauty in all this?
Is it me being hormonal? I'm so tired of that excuse.
How do I prolong the mediation so that the world don't start
spinning crazy as soon as I open my eyes?

Written truth.

A truth that is verbal will never be perceived the same way as a written word.  Somehow,  The mere fact of putting a word down in the paper gives it weight. A reader automatically perceives it to be more valid. It's less personal,  less emotional. A statement on paper is physical and most of the time perceived truthful without evidence. Physiological glitch.
Years of experience,  research, practical application won't stand the test of the ear. An article describing passing sensations will be taken as a fact.
Texting goes deeper into our psyche. It is perceived with a different sensory system. The system that perceives the truth. We perceive texting as more truthful than direct verbal communication. That's a pretty neat trick.
So,  I'm writing. I'm putting my truth down. Hopefully they will read it when they grow up.  Hopefully they will get it. Hopefully it will help them become better.
Otherwise, what's a point of putting anything down?