Slay the dragon to become the dragon

Another human being always has a projection inside of us. I have an internal image of my parents. They both exist as internal beings within me and are part of me. I come to realize that my children take similar roles in who I am. They uncover the parts within me that I think come from their personalities, but the reality is ... it's who I think they are.

I watch my daughter play with a baby doll. Amazing motherly instinct, combined with attempt to control another being for "the right reasons" of taking care of them. She is as fasinated with dressing her doll as I was when she would fall asleep in my arms. Yet, she force feeds the doll anything that she comes up as "the baby needs". I am seing my own controlling traits in my daughter's play. Or am I reading too much into it? Is it my internal projection of what is happening?

I am afraid of imposing rules on both of my kids because I know there will come a time when those rules will become their bondages. Or is it something they will need to concur on their own?
How do you build the rules for another human being? How do you teach them your own views on religion and life? I know they will absorb like a sponge. Yet I know that with my views I will create a dragon they will later have to slay.

My own views seem to be so complex and intertwined that they are very difficult to convey. But most of all, I don't think there is a single set of views that are correct. Take any teaching/ religion/ view, all have holes (something that just doesn't feel right). I know my own has holes. How do I dare to give them a view that I know has holes?